Way down the Lights are Dimmer
by FemaleSpock
Summary: What does it mean to be Morgana le Fay in a world where magick is dying? Reincarnation fic; no pairings beyond a few mild implications.


Way down the Lights are Dimmer

**Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin and I make no money from this fanfiction. **

It hurt to remember things the way they were; to remember how the world was before it all got so diluted, before Camelot and all that went with it eroded until it was nothing more than a legend; a mere symbol.

Even the nightmares were faded, a shadow of what they once were; she never thought that she'd miss the sensation of bolting up awake- sweat dripping down her face, her heart beating erratically- but she did. She still saw things, out of the corner of her eye or reflected in her bath-water- it'd be there for a moment and then it'd be gone. She sometimes wondered whether she was just imagining it because she wanted to see something so badly.

It was almost gone, magick, it was a flickering flame on the verge of total extinguishment. She knew that but she couldn't accept it; she'd fought for magick, she'd struggled for it's acceptance for years of her life back then- and now it was disappearing from the world entirely.

She bumped into the others occasionally- they'd all gravitated together, bound by all the shared experiences that they didn't even really remember. Arthur, she'd noticed, didn't remember a thing- oh the arrogance was there, sure, but not the memory of anything that might have justified it.

He was just another rugby obsessed student; king of his friendship group but nothing more. He'd sail through his life here without ever really having to try; she didn't need and powers to see that. She'd only met him a few times; it was all too painful to watch him walk on air, like a heavy weight had been lifted from his shoulders, because the only person he was responsible for was himself.

"Smile, it might never happen!" he said to her the one and only time she'd come out to the pub with them.

'_It already has but of course you don't even remember, do you? Not even the ruin of your kingdom and everything you built over the years was enough to leave an impression on you- but then again, you always were dense' _she'd thought.

But of course she couldn't say that and so she'd settled for just rolling her eyes.

And Arthur had just muttered something about her being even worse than Merlin when it came to 'emo-ness'.

Then Merlin had come over with the drinks (still playing servant even in this day and age); changing the topic to something entirely different- as if he had sensed that awkwardness.

She'd hung out with Gwen the most out of all of them; they'd be friends back then and without the throne of Camelot to stand between them- well- she'd been foolish enough to hope that things could be like they were. Gwen wasn't like Arthur, although she'd never admit it, she still had the knowledge of who she was somewhere deep within her; Gwen wondered aloud sometimes about the things that didn't seem to quite make sense, before hastily verbally papering over any slips she made, passing her questions off as jokes.

She seemed happier not consciously knowing, especially seeing as Lancelot had yet to emerge in this time or place, she seemed whole somehow- in a way she never had been in Camelot. She was training to be a teacher; that seemed to be enough.

In the end all she ended up doing was wondering whether Gwen had even really wanted to be Queen in the first place.

Out of all of them, Merlin was the only one who remembered everything; she had seen it in his eyes as he had passed her pint to her in the pub- the memory of the time that he had poisoned her hung between them in air as she took her first sip, silencing him for a moment. He'd breathed a sigh of relief and then, as if to cover the fact he had even been worried, he launched back into a miniature rant about the lack of vegetarian food on the menu- despite the fact they hadn't planned on eating there.

As ever, he was still practically glued to Arthur's side. She wondered what dangers he had to save Arthur from these days- she suspected that there was nothing more serious than the horror of missed essay deadlines and the perils of university drinking games. But there he was still, still taking his 'destiny' as seriously as ever.

She only hoped that his magick was as diluted as his (preferable more so, when she came to think about it), he hadn't even fought for it; it would have been unfair to leave him exempt magick's demise.

But she'd never know, naturally he never used it in public, and he was never going to let her get close enough to find out.

After a while, she just stopped going to Uni; it meant that she wouldn't have to bump into them so often and none of the classes had really excited her in the first place. She drifted in and out of jobs- all just the pay for place she called home- a flat that had more in common with that hovel she had lived in back then than anything else.

'_What was the point of reincarnation? What was the point of this life?' _These were the questions that rolled around her head as she stacked shelves or completed whatever other monotonous task she was being paid a pittance for.

'_I am Morgana le Fay,' _she thought to herself, over and over; and inside she wept for she knew that some day she wouldn't even have that.

One day the light would go out completely.

**Notes: I decided to make the reincarnated Merlin a vegetarian given that Colin Morgan is one in real life- I also imagine that the reincarnated Merlin dresses a lot like Colin as Jethro in Doctor Who and Morgana looks like Katie McGrath did when she played Harriet in Red Mist. Arthur and Gwen, on the other hand, I imagine to just dress like Bradley James and Angel Coulby do normally. The fic title comes from a line in the song 'Into the Fire' by Thirteen Senses. Anyways, please leave a review and let me know what you think of the fic.**


End file.
